A Facebook memory popped up this morning, from a post I shared a few years ago. Much of what Jeff Brown writes resonates with me, though he has a strong belief in an otherworldly external deity. He is still able to capture the human capacity to love and heal in all it’s challenging but beautiful cycles. He wrote this and it was a precious piece to me at the time. Not new understanding for me, the contrary, but a timely reminder that it is rarely our own journey that makes others turn away from the love we have ready to gift. I thought I would share.
“Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another – they have more individuation work to do first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives – they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organise reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalise love’s leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don’t – they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path – readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalising it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover.”
– Jeff Brown