My exercise this week is to try and silence some of the noise in my head. I have finally been given a redundancy date and am now on ‘Consultation’. With two months until I am unemployed, I have the opportunity to think about what I want to do next.
I can play safe, and walk into a similar job, in the same industry, with a salary below what I am on or I can look at embracing change. Finding myself here, I wonder what I want to do. Someone recently asked me ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’… a tongue in cheek kind of throw-away question. But it has reiterated what I was already feeling.
What do I want to be?
What is it that would make me want to get up in the morning, fill me with passion, motivate me to be better, honed, dedicated to my daily role?
In recent years, my singledom has informed many of my decisions. It is only me. I have no family here to ran to or support me, no partner or lover or husband to rely on, no shared income, home or rent. Just me, so. I’ve been risk adverse over the last few years. A surprise and sometimes I don’t recognise this person I have become. I used to be someone who would move across three counties for a job in a town I had never been to before. Relocate to an island in the middle of the Irish Sea on the toss of a coin. I used to have faith in being a jack of all trades – for what fun is being that limited niche person?
But today I am waiting for response to a second interview. And I don’t know if I want the job. So back to the exercise.
To day dream. To allow myself to explore what my heart may be attracted to, to hear what used to inspire, what may pique my interest, set my heart racing…
What I want to wake up to, what I want to spend my life doing.
So today I woke up to a memory of being a confident, healthy woman who was calm and wise and sensible and in touch with her inner strength. In that time I was full of empathy and intuition. And I dreamed of being a Counsellor. I completed courses, and retreats, and healing workshops and studied people. It was a path that inspired, suited, and one that filled me with hope.
So today’s Dream Job: Counsellor.